Nick Vujicic was born with tetra-Amelia syndrome. In lighter terms, no arms, no legs! But today he has risen to be one of the most celebrated motivational speakers and authors. Being a close follower of his, I draw inspiration from his clips whenever I am emotionally distressed, in doubt about my capabilities or scared to face the future. A couple of months ago, I was busy on you tube watching Vujicic’s family time with his beautiful wife Kanae, and their bouncy baby Kiyoshi.
“Whew! What a happy family. Such a charming healthy baby and the wife: totally flawless….” I gleefully talked about Kanae: how she looked like a besotted teenager totally in love with her hubby Nick, and how I imagine she is one of those alluring type of women who will wake you up to pleasant surprises every morning and blow you off your feet with their charm all day long.
Even before I could finish my hypnotic moment, he cut me short.
“C’mon Kim, huyo alikuwa anafuata pesa tu!” (She was just after his money…)
My blood literally boiled!!! I looked at him in contempt and saw all the flaws I had overlooked. I nearly asked him if he thought he was more worthy of Kanae’s love, what a normal woman would follow in a parsimonious man like him, and whether or not he would ever marry if money was anything to go by. But Mom taught me that you can do a lot of things to a man, but just do not bruise his ego, massage it if you must, but never make him feel like a lesser man. So I rolled my eyes to the skies quietly and let him enjoy his moment of glory…. But right through that statement, I saw the kind of man I would NEVER want to marry.
A man who thinks that any woman in his life is there because he is driving some/any car which he probably took a loan to buy ( I leave Brands and further descriptions on cars and such men to my fellow blogger, Njoki Chege). You would think they were taught how to drive while other kids were being taught how to walk! A man who looks at campus girls and non- financially independent women by virtue of them juggling to survive within strict budgets and imagines he can tap them by his cheap cologne and forced sense of class or work position. A man who feels like he is doing you a favor by being in your life yet he neither feeds nor finances you. He probably says that he had the option of dating a working class woman but he chose you, and there he is thinking you will worship the ground he walks on for making such a noble decision, and enduring ridicule from his equals back in their overcrowded and ill- aired open offices. Men who measure their worth with their jobs or balance in their bank accounts. Men who gauge happiness by financial investment and money tags as opposed to emotional investment which is what every woman wishes for after all. Men who deceive themselves that they are actually rich while in the real sense, their chant is ‘Why spend more when you can spend less’. Can’t a woman be genuinely in love with a ‘rich’ man’? Are we of the assumption that women will always be the gold diggers if the relationship is doing financially well?
Truth be told, money has never been the disqualifying factor per se, just an added advantage. When all other variables have been met by more than one, it sometimes becomes a tie-breaker by virtue of it being an indicator of hard work and self sacrifice. Money is not easy to come by, you know. I am not sure how many relationships have stood the test of time if money was the only glue holding them together: because money comes and money goes. What next after he can’t take you for expensive dates anymore and pamper you with quality gifts every now and then, will you still hold on or jump to the next highest bidder? Will there ever come a day when people will be looked at for who they are as opposed to what ‘OTHERs’ think they have? When the timing differences will be ignored and women and men be judged beyond the money and status? Beyond the money tags?
Food for thought.