The table of men: ‘DUNGA.’

There are some concrete cement seats normally placed outside the boys hostels. Men-to-be sit here with a lot of tête-à-tête, majorly women, football and music. They talk about girls they have slept with, while in the real sense they approached her, she gave a cold shoulder, but when the night came, boy had a wet dream with this princess, and he is happy to report his dream as though it were! When a girl passes, they shut up, watch her curves, look at each other, remember their girlfriends  and then table her, sipping some ablutions water

On this supreme table of men, they teach each other romance. You see, some of these men do have some village girls that they date, or the slightly classy ones opt for college girls who will wash their feet and clothes, cook for the them and smother them with village romance because they still cannot believe they actually have tamed a man in the University despite having all these seemingly brilliant brains beside them. In these classes, they discuss the grand places to take their ‘wives’ for dates. Unanimously, they agree that Roasthouse, (a club in riverroad for touts and drivers of Koja), is up to standard. But if your lady is the bitchy type that won’t stoop to river road, take her to Tropez. I hear tropez is a restaurant by day and a club by night. And because he is very romantic, he takes her there at night.

On this great table of men, they also talk about their alter egos, to come when they get married. You see, these men are not very comfortable spending on their girlfriends because they can be stolen any time, but once she has a ring, she is tamed. (snap). So they enlighten each other that it is not wise to buy her flowers, treat her out or get her any kind of gifts. No sorry, I mean, they advise that for the time being, get her some plastic photo frame or some nylon wall hanging with big houses, soap opera celebrities or cars drawn on them, and some wooden piece to hold the great artifact together. When you marry her, take her to round the world and shift from eNGARAsha to Enkarasha. Marriage is what makes men big spenders, so they think.

In this table of supremacy, they discuss the current affairs. Who was dumped, who has a man using her because he parks a big black or silver car outside the girls’ hostel, (They know that men with cars must have working girls)..who recently got to a convenience relationship and which of the girls is getting uglier by the day. Some dwarf will steal their way to tell the alleged girl, who will just look at him and wonder how the concerns of the table of men is any of her business.

When they are not talking about football, they are applauding musicians, especially Davido. There is this song he sang, AYE. He sings about this woman who neither wants designer wear nor Ferrari. They jump up and down for Davido because he spoke for all of them. They beat their chests and say that the song defines real love. After their chant, they all agree to go to their rooms, open the windows, turn on their ampex sub woofers to the top volume, and play this Davido hit song. Hopefully, some campus girl somewhere will hear and see the light.

And this table of men, truly transforms the small campus boys to men of substance. Nodding my head in apprehension, while listening to this Aye song, because today is one of those days windows are open with screeching subwoofers.

Three cents