I am guilty of having periodic attacks of ‘at my age’ disorder. As a typical mid-twenties millennial stuck between making the best out of her life, and doubting her capabilities just because her peers seem to be doing better. As a corporate baby struggling to strike a balance between settling in her career or pursuing other fields of interest. But most predominantly, as a girl trying to strike the delicate balance between her career, family, relationship and personal development. One moment I feel that I have it all figured out, the other moment it feels like I am stagnant… Either socially, mentally or spiritually.
I remember how it felt when one of my closest friends got engaged. I scrolled through the mind blowing photos with alternating shades of jealousy and excitement. She was 25! How does it feel? Are you ready? Are you sure? Goodness, we have grown…I sighed. She looked at me and teased…’who’d have thought I’d get married before you? What happened ma’?’ We laughed. My facebook news feed did not make it any better on that particular weekend. Of baby showers, engagements and weddings of peers. At 25 I was supposed to be married. Socially stagnant now…. I thought.
I have had replays of such conflicting tints of emotions on several other occasions. Just the other day, when my friend got a new job and called me to break the news with evident gusto, I was happy, really happy. As soon as he dropped the call though, I yet again sank into self-evaluation. Had I resigned to fate? What effort was I making towards my career growth and personal development? Was I happy? Was I settled? What really did I want with my life and what was I doing about it? At my age, where had I planned to be?
At least once every month, I battle with this disorder. I sweat small things, I make plans and forget about them, I set goals and miss the mark. I have moments of self doubt every so often…Then I look at peers and for some reason, they seem to have it all figured out, they look as though they are doing perfectly fine. How do they do it at their age ?
A week ago, I came across this short piece, which I spoke to my soul…
AMA “At My Age”
Don’t ever allow your emotions to tell you what should be happening “At your Age”
At my age people have kids, At my age people are married…
At my age people have licenses, At my age people have degrees and PhD’s…
At my age people are working, At my age people have cars…
At my age people have houses!
That’s a disease! YOU NEED TO LEARN TO SAY:
At My Age God is with me! At my age God still has plan with my life! At my Age Abraham and Sarah were still fresh and waiting. At my age I am exactly where God wants me to be. At my age I am doing everything I am supposed to be doing to be where I am supposed to be. AT MY AGE God is my Refuge, God is my Strength, my Comfort, my provider, my everything. I refuse to panic until age puts me in a mental cage.
And so at my age, I choose to believe that I am right on track! And so should you!
Big little girl | story teller for all seasons | Kenyan |